The desert is an inspiring place, go to it

Palm Canyon Drive

My friends that I came to Palm Springs with left in the early afternoon for their festivities at Coachella. I was stuck in our suite with nothing on my plate, nothing to do, nobody to see, no agenda. I also was recovering from a massive hangover being that I really took to celebrating the night before. The drive from Seattle took around 25 hours or so, and I felt I needed to let myself go since sitting in a seat for that long is actually quite difficult.

I finally took my shower, and clothed myself around 4 in the late afternoon. I didn’t know what I was to go do, or go see. I ended up finding the main strip in Palm Springs, which is called Palm Canyon Drive and I went from one end of it to the other. I found myself innately walking slow in order to take in my surroundings.

It’s a beautiful little town. I myself am a lover of the past, or at least the thought and images of the past. Specifically the 50s and 60s. Not the hippie 60s but the “mod” sixties, the Mad Men sixties and the cool portrayal of them in movies. I’m not saying Palm Springs is exactly like that, but it definitely has a “retro” or a “vintage” feel to it. I instantly felt about half way down the main strip that I was in a timeless place, a place that hasn’t really changed and that if you left it 10 years ago, and came back today you would feel like you were living twice.

I find that there is an authenticity in that, a consistency in that, and a not hidden but obvious beauty in it.

As I was walking down the side walk there was a good amount of bars/restaurants and stores, much of them were either “desert clothing”, “antiques”, but what stuck out to me the most was the abundance of art galleries. It seemed like for every other block there was a few.

I only walked into one of them. It was an outdoor gallery but had a large tent over it. The place was completely empty and there was loud music playing. The pieces were massive and were stretched from end to end in paint and canvas. Most of the pieces were abstract, but had a beautiful display of colors in an array of different geometrical lines and shapes. I walked around the entire gallery until one particular piece struck me.

I probably stood in front of the damn thing for 10 minutes just staring into it. I don’t know exactly what it was about the piece that made me so intrigued, maybe it was because it was relatable, something I wanted and want, maybe because it brought me some form of harmony or perhaps my mind was running at a natural high so everything felt and appeared beautiful. And once I completely soaked my eyes into the image the music disappeared

I’ll do my best in describing the piece. It had these large street lights, benches on either side and green fields, yellow and brown leaves falling around, it was probably set in the fall in a place that has a fall, and then there was what looked like a gravel path going down the middle, and it seemed as if the objects like the benches and street lights got smaller and smaller, to create depth and a objectiveness, a skill I’ll never be able to wrap my head around.

However what made the piece really pull me in was that there was a woman in the middle; she was off in the distance out of reach. I want to say she was running, running with the wind and the falling leaves. It made me want to reach out and run with her, to dance in all the real colors, with the perfect leaves and balanced street lights, I longed for that image and I couldn’t and still can’t get it out of my mind.

Maybe when a painting or an image represents something that we all want, something we long for whether it be a thing, object, idea, or person there is a beauty in that, there is a brilliance in that something that can’t be written down effectively, no combination of 10 dollar words, or insightful pros can honestly show that conviction, and that kind of truth. I think only the person can imagine that, and eventually dream it.

The painting was beautiful and at first it made me almost sad because it was so perfect, and the image of my adaptation in my mind made me want to not just dream it but experience it, and live it. Maybe I will, or perhaps I already have and can’t remember.

I walked out of the gallery into the sun and back down the streets of the timeless city, not dated, but aged. A kind of age that has no limit and no sense of time. It makes it’s own moments in relation to itself.   

As I looked down Palm Canyon Drive everything really did seem far away, but not out of reach.

Palm Springs for the weekend

Story coming later when I have a smoke and drink in my hand. 

BEYOND THE INFINITE

You know you should talk to him he’d really like to hear from you, give him a call

Give him a call? Really I don’t know

No he’s your Godfather give your fucking Godfather a call he’d like to hear from you and he’ll totally stoke out all you and your friends – it’d be fun

Alright, alright I’ll give him a call

--

Hey Tom! Its Colter, Colter Fox

Holy shit Colter how yah been?!?!

I’ve been good, I’ve been good, how have you been?

I’ve been great Colter, it’s really nice to hear from you. How has school been coming along? Any girls in your life? I know you and those girls, your father has told me

Oh he has? Yeah there was one and now there isn’t. And school has been ridiculous but I’m graduating in a couple weeks and then it’s NL in the fall to be an English major

Oh that’s wonderful Colter, I’d love to read some of your writing

Yeah I’d love to share with you. It’s finally coming together; I think I’ve finally started to figure some stuff out

That’s great, lemme know when your first movie comes out, ah shit I’ll probably see your face on the advertisements haHAH

Oh yeah will do, I’ll get right on that. But my dad mentioned something about your new business? Pretty awesome sounding stuff and my birthday is coming up in a month or so and I think your place would be fun to come with a couple of my buddies.

Ooooh yeah!!! You should definitely come down, I’ll show you the place, I’ll stoke yah out

That’d be great, you think I could come down next week and check it out? I’ll come on a weeknight when yah aren’t so busy. I’ll bring a buddy of mine, Zach. You’ve met him, but it’s been years

Colter you don’t even need to ask, just mention my name at the door. You and your buddies are always welcome. I know you ride with some good fellas, and for fucks sake we’re family!

That we are Tom. Alright does Wednesday work for you, around 8 or so?

That’s just fine, I’ll be up in my office. Just give me a holler when you’re close

Will do, Tom

--

How far is this place out man?

It’s in the south end, supposedly a classy place from what my dad told me

Oh fuck yeah man this is gonna be fucking tight, fuckin Tom man coming up with the most random shit, its been years

The most awesome shit

Yeah fucking right man

Free entry, and VIP?

I’m sure man, Tom is a generous soul

--

Tom! Jesus Christ yah old man you look great! And you remember Zach, right?

Oh shit! It’s been long you young guns look great I tell yah fucking superb. I see yah still got my knife I gave yah Colter, you haven’t had to use it yet have you? haHAH

No I haven’t Tom thank god

Hah well that’s great. The girls are starting to flutter in now oooh weeee what a job this is

Zach: Fucking heaven on earth man, the promise land

That’s right boys, the fucking promise land. Well lemme give you Le Grand Tour, follow me. Over to your right there is the soda bar. Here in Washington State we can’t serve booze fuckin shame I tell yah. And I don’t think I need to point out the main stage it kind of speaks for it’s self. Man the girls climb up and down that thing like acrobats! It’s a fucking trip! Oh and back over there is the VIP. I’ll take yah fellas in here, the best part about this place! Only for the “Very Important” ahHAH

Colter: Man, Tom you are really doing well for yourself, this is a classy joint. Real gentleman’s club, not any trashy shit we’ve been to

Oh yeah Colter, I take pride in it. My pride and joy. And the hottest girls, fake tits, beautiful faces, they all look like they just walked off a magazine

Zach: haha no shit, this is ridiculous

Girl 1: Who are these handsome boys, Tom?

Oh well this is Colter here, he’s my Godson! And here is Zach, good buddy of Colter’s, been friends since before they even knew what tits were!

Girl 1: oh well that’s just fantastic, you boys in college?

Colter: Yeah I’m about to be going to NL; I’m in the process of transferring to study English

Zach: And I study at BIU, and I’m a business major

Tom: Scholars! Smarter than I ever will be! Hey Natalia! Natalia sweet heart!

Natalia: Be right there Tom

PAUSE

Tom: How bout you show these boys the real VIP experience, they want to get a taste, it’s Colter’s birthday next month and he wants to come back with some more of his boys.

Natalia: Oh sure thing Tom, how bout you come with me boys

Colter: yep okay

Zach: mhm yah

Tom: Natalia is the best! She’s the mother hen around here

Natalia: oh shush Tom!

--

Natalia showed Zach and I into the VIP lounge area, with the neon at its full brightness hanging on the ceiling. The walls were all glass, our reflections all seen. The corners of the lounge were darker where men would come and sit with their paid company. Beautiful women, with gorgeous bodies. Bodies that most of these men, often lonely men, would only see in their dreams or walking down the sidewalk but they would never think of even a second look let alone one of them sitting on their laps.

--

Natalia: you like the place boys? Pretty cool, huh?

Zach: Oh yeah this is great, really nice

Colter: yeah this is wonderful

Natalia: Now what kind of girls you boys like? White girls? Black girls? How about Hispanic? Latinas? Asian girls? What’s your preference?

Colter: I like tan girls, darker you know. I guess

Zach: I have no preference, surprise me!!

Natalia: haha okay then, find your places and some girls will come in in a jiffy

--

Zach: dude this IS GONNA BE SO FUCKING AWESOME

Colter: those pills kicking in yet? These lights feel like they are getting brighter and brighter

Zach: oh yeah man, oh yeah fully IGNITED! 

--

Two half naked women walked in. A blonde girl with decent curves walked over to Zach and reached out her hand and then swung a long leg over his waist. The other girl walked over to me with long black hair and sunken eyes, she was on the shorter side with perfectly tan skin and a curving body

Stripper: And what’s your name handsome? I hear you’re the birthday boy to be

My name is Colter, and yeah that’s correct. What’s your name?

Penelope. You’re really Tom’s godson?

Yeah that’s right I am.

Alright then I’ll give you special treatment then

Sounds great, Penelope

I’d like to talk to you afterwards, handsome, you have a girl?

Nope, sounds great

Is everything great for you?

Yeah, at least right now

--

 She started doing her dance her body swaying in a nonsensical way, she would just go to the waves the music playing around us

The neon shine started dripping from the ceiling and congealing around us wrapping Penelope, illuminating her body onto mine

It shined down onto the carpet and filled the room with a warm harmony

She kept swaying back and forth taking off the small amount of clothing she had on, making noises, and breathing in my ear and down my neck, my consciousness was displaced and all I heard was whispering in my ears of unknown tongue

She outstretched her arms pulling the galaxies and every universe into the room, one hand in space and the other tugging at my physical existence, bringing me closer to the surface, nearing reality

Then she flung her hands onto my chest, fingernails dug into my skin, and her angelic features were falling from her gaze

It was gorgeous and gorgeousity made flesh

Gravity was nonsense now, and I felt my body rising to the neon then feeling all the real colors and knowing that this was the deepest summer

It was a manufactured distortion of images and illusion

Illusion of doubts, illusions of her and me and the neon lights from above and Tom and Natalia and the mirrored room, and when I look into the walls all I see is the neon and Penelope’s naked back, I’m not there anymore but only with my memory

But I looked harder into the lights harder into my memory and I see the burning pillars reflectively bouncing off the corners of the room trying to guide me home

I don’t know if Zach and his girl were there anymore, I don’t know if any one of us were ever there, I don’t know if it all happened or if it was just a twisted dream of consciousness being displaced by consumption of an individual’s “goods” on a corner or the parking lot of a grocery store. You wake some mornings or you think back to things and happenings and who knows if they were real, or if this is real and if we make things the way we want because it’s easier to fall asleep at night and its easier to not have to remember, but then maybe we are just pulling galaxies and staring into lights when we should be staring into mirrors instead

But then I took my eyes and I shot them to the ceiling and the stars were coming through now and descending, and I knew then that I would have to fight the morning off

The stars and the constellations of the stars and the galaxies of the universes and everything beyond the infinite were bouncing off of her shoulders and the constellations were moving and spinning around the room as if they had been there before

The entire universe of the entire creation of the infinite had been inside the parameters of the boundlessly mirrored room. It was an unknown land to me, she was the starchild, the guiding light of all the real and all the colors, me a man a young man with no placement and no woman with a woman from a different land all falling through the stars

The neon had fully manifested now and I knew then that this was the end, all the real colors of the world, and the burning pillars of hope with the neon hue seeping and falling into the constellations all to guide me home.

 I then closed my eyes and plummeted beyond the infinite,

the infinite of the waking dreams, and the burning contemplations, and the things that don’t make any sense no matter how long you spend in front of the mirror, trying over and over again to convince us of something that we can’t believe.

--

The quiet music that had been playing was off and all I heard was silence falling from Penelope’s eyes

She smiled and disappeared into the neon

--

I lit a cigarette walking to my car. Zach was sprawled out on my hood laying down smoking a joint.

I turned around and saw Tom waving, saying “Hope to see yah in a month boys!!!”

I yelled back thanks and put on my sunglasses.

I reached into my pocket for my keys and felt a card. I took it out, and it read The Neon on the front and had a number and email address for booking

I flipped the card over and it had another number in scribbled handwriting, below the digits it read, “Penelope”.

Indecision - Sampha -

Spirit of the City

Absolute assholes abusing their delusions on the nameplate of truth

Deceiving their mislead intellectual ideology at the cost of saving the word

& a confused cacophony of the grind

The pulsing of the city unknowingly inviting disaster

A creation of man, to control man

Bound by time, 

because part of humanity enjoys this

"BEYOND THE INFINITE" ------ Being posted on Monday !!!

I think it's some of my best work so far.

PIKE ST

You said she texted you at 2?

Yeah 2 am, I was asleep

Dude she totally wants it

Wants it?

Wants to get back together man! If she is thinking about you that late she wants you back

I don’t think that’s exactly it, I mean when we were together I’d be up that late, cause I had a reason. I was asleep by 2 last night but she was awake, she was awake and I wasn’t, that’s it

I don’t know bro, I don’t think you are reading into it enough

No I am because I know the fucking chick, she is very affirmative with her decisions. If she wanted to get back together then she wouldn’t have ended things in the first place, and if she wanted to see me or some shit then she’d say so. She doesn’t talk in code man

No women do though man, I swear us guys never really know what they’re saying. What’d she hit you up about anyway?

She told me about some event for writers in Seattle next week in the south end somewhere

Okay

And she knows I’m really into my stuff and I’ve been working really hard and that I might meet some people there. She’s apparently going because one of her favorite poets is reading, who talks about nature and shit. I already knew about the stupid event but I didn’t want to go anyway, those things are always the fucking same

Yeah yeah no that makes sense but I’m telling you man she wants to meet up, she wants to see you there

Well she won’t and I just responded with a “oh, can’t make it, thanks though” kind of thing. I didn’t want to do the whole forced “oh how have you been”, that sorta shit and painfully draw out the conversation

As we rounded the corner on Pike and 5^th the rain was misting onto the street and the clouds were weak and the sun was trying to take advantage of that and cut thru them, then the clouds did give way and the sun shot down onto the intersection of pike and 4^th. The streets were covered in water from the rain the night before and the sun bounced off the pavement and hit our eyes.  I squinted, he squinted and even though we celebrate the sun and the light and holiness it still pained our eyes

 Oh no I understand that man there is nothing worse than an awkward forced conversation

Yeah and I’m not going to be the one who brings that up it seems hungry on my part, like, “oh I want to talk to you, oh I miss you”, that kinda shit, not that I do either, just saying

Right. But Dude its way harder for her cause it seems more hungry on her part, she was the one who ended things

No fucking way man it’s humiliating on my part, it’s like I’m literally saying, “I need to get back together with you”, by saying “oh my god how are you”, fuck that man

I dono I think its harder on the dumper than the dumpee if that makes sense

What the fuck was that   ?? No

The light pained my eyes but I kept looking into it to see something else but all I saw was a floating image of the light in a purple and pink shade when I eventually looked away. I pictured scenarios in my head with her and with other girls and the mental scenarios are always perfect, the light is always shining, its never too bright, there are smiles and romantic afternoons and late nights, and they’re always perfect images in theory, but in actuality it never works that way, and its never perfect, its never sunny it’s just bright and you want to look into the brightness but it’s always too much because its bouncing off the of the street, and the street is wet from the rain and reflective and it pains your eyes.

Maybe we are used to the dark because the dark is more accessible. There aren’t as many forms of dark and it never pains our eyes it’s just dark and that’s the way it is

Light is unpredictable and different and we wear glasses for the brightness because it can be harsh and different but it’s always all right in our minds

And as my friend and I walked to the bus we kept squinting painfully but perhaps the face of agony is truth, and its real and honest and it’s the unvarnished truth

I tried to look past the light

But I didn’t look past her message

Things are what they are and things are what they aren’t. We look past things and we look right into things. The sun cuts the clouds into pieces and bounces off of the ground into our eyes and we love the sun but we hate the brightness, we look past things and maybe just maybe we don’t look at things for long enough to completely soak in the message or the object or the exquisite consciousness of the surroundings

Of the ecstatic anatomy

Or the imaginable romance

that seems simple and beautiful in our minds but in actuality and in reality its like a fucking battle field inside some hipster coffee shop that she picked out cause she thinks she’s something else than we are

But no it’s the shift in the wind when you round a corner in the concrete jungle and its feels like you just walked into a frozen hell and a demonic figure is laughing and breathing in and out onto pike street and whatever

And then we are just beings of solitude because in solitude everyone agrees because nobody argues with themselves and then the infinite ecstasy falls from the sky and we call it light but in reality its just brightness and it feels good in our minds, and right in our minds, but on the reflective street it brings pain

and we think this is the new Eden, and we are roaming in Eden with everything and everyone and her and me and the messages are conceived and consumed and everything you read is right and honest, there isn’t anything else left on the shelves because they are empty but the light isn’t because the light is rousing and it’s not consistent like the dark

And we love the light on a Wednesday but she dumps us on a Thursday and we hate it because it feels like the shortest day of the year when the light fades away